By: Brian Waterkotte
Week 5
Week 5
Picture the scene: Iʼm in my basement, I have three TVs on (AFC game on the right, NFC on the left, and the Red Zone in the middle). Iʼve got my laptop on my desk with the dual monitor plugged in so I have all 4 fantasy games at a glance. Iʼve got my ice cold Heiniken bottle on my right, and my cheese dip to my left. Iʼm ready baby!
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
Each week, Iʼll watch all the games and hopefully have an interesting take on the things going on. Iʼll let you be the judge of that. Without further ado...
Week 5 ...
It seems like someone in Minnesota got the memo: “YOU HAVE ADRIAN PETERSON! RUN THE BALL!”. AP has 3 TDs in the first quarter. Leslie and Donovan must have had a sit down and said “letʼs save our jobs huh? Hand the ball to the bionic one”.
Is Rahard Mendenhal completely over-rated? Iʼm originally from Pittsburgh, and I considered taking him with the 6th overall pick in one of my leagues. Man am I glad I didnʼt. Isaac Redman is making me wonder if my Stillers are starting the wrong RB.
Has anyone seen Chris Johnson? Where the hell did he go? Is he taking the Albert Hainsworthless route? “I got paid biotch! I donʼt care, cut me!” Itʼs too bad too. He used to be fun to watch.
I have Romo on a bye in my main league (we all have a “main league” donʼt we?) so I had to choose between Painter and Alex Smith. Guess who I started? Of course I chose Smith. Painter has 2 TDs already, both to Garcon. Iʼm glad I dropped him week 2. Fantasy Gods are ruthless.
Even though Hines Ward is 61 years old, heʼs still a bad ass. I just saw him jump up after getting hit by a truck. Unreal.
Andy Reid tries the ugliest onside kick Iʼve ever seen to start the second half, and gets away with it. The refs didnʼt blow the whistle to start the play. The Bills got robbed.
Do you remember Andre Reed and Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas? Now itʼs Stevie Johnson, Fitzpatrick, and Freddie Jackson. I donʼt know why but like it when the Bills are good.
These roughing the passer penalties are starting to get on my nerves. Imagine what Mean Joe Green or Lawrence Taylor or Bruce Smith would look like in todayʼs NFL. Theyʼd look tame. Sad.
Time for another beer....
Does everyone get it? We all hate breast cancer. Iʼm not trying to be insensitive, but does EVERYTHING have to be pink? With the gloves, and the shoes, and the headbands...I gave my dollar. Enough already.
Are the SEAHAWKS really giving the GIANTS a game? Man Iʼm so not impressed with the Giants.
Are the Kansas City Chiefs really this bad? What happened? Jamaal Charles really was a big deal I guess...
Is there anyone more disappointed than a Philadelphia Eagles fan this year? Imagine, you have the offseason they had, then open the year 1-4? Eww. Thatʼs just nasty.
VICTOR CRUZ! What a catch! Hey Mario, did you see that thing leaving the stadium? That was your job.
Watching the Bengals game, Iʼm starting to think no one cares that Carson Palmer quit...
Are the Raiders really going to beat Houston? Thatʼs Big Daddy Al looking up on his Raiders.
Speaking of Hell, Tom Coughlin is living in it. The Sehawks come across the country and beat the Giants at home? Goodnight NYG.
All the hype surrounding Mark Ingram this preseason...I got Pierre Thomas in the 10th round of my draft....same number of fantasy points, half the carries. Trade Mark Ingram now...
My lord...Did the Eagles really turn the ball over again? 5 frigging TOs! No wonder they cant win. They canʼt hold onto the ball long enough to score!
Did I mention I added the Bengals Def this week? WOW! 3 sacks, 2 fumble recoveries, a TD....less than 100 yards rushing allowed....Iʼll take it!
Time for another beer!
Oh lordy lordy...did the Giants really just blow it like that? Umanurha jumps offsides and everyone stops EXCEPT the Seahawks, and they score the go ahead TD! HA HA HA HA. Unreal. The Giants are PRETENDERS!
And to cap off a disappointing Eagles game, they jump offsides with the Bills looking at a 4th and 1....up by only a TD. Undisciplined and over-rated. Iʼm glad Iʼm not from Philly.
New Orleans is tough. But Iʼll give the Cam Newton lead Panthers some credit. for a 1-4 team, they arenʼt that bad. Theyʼve been in every game this season. Talk about on the rise. Wish I was a Pantherʼs fan.
Wow, is it really time for another beer?
Oh boy. The Pats are wearing the Superbowl XX losing unis. Wow, theyʼre as ugly as I remember.
Looks like Revis is on Welker...this is going to be good... Why isnʼt Green-Ellis a better player? (he asks as BJGE scores a TD)...
And Rivers responds to Ortonʼs Pick with a Pick 6 of his own! Three late games...this is going to be brutal...
Three late games equals far too much Scott Hanson...
Rothlesberger threw 5 TDs today. Did anyone drop him? Had you lost faith? I hope you stuck with him. 38 points in our league. Fantasy Gods are ruthless!
Jackie Battle? Really? What happened to Dexter McCluster? Too may capital letters in his name?
Hey Hey, that was Plaxico Burress! Thatʼs one catch in the last 3 weeks...or something like that...isnʼt he like 6ʼ5? Why doesnʼt he get the ball more?
And speaking of busters, is Shonn Green the WORST? What a bum. Heʼs had the last 18 months to prove he can be a #1 RB, and he just canʼt seem to get it going. Thank God heʼs not on my team!
I have to admit, I was DEAD WRONG about Antonio Gates this year. I drafted him in three of my four leagues this season, and Iʼm reeling in most of them. I thought he was going to completely recover. I battled planter fasciitis (thatʼs fun to spell) last year, and itʼs a bitch, but I still played in my over 30 menʼs hoops league. It hurt, yeah. But I took a bunch of drugs, and I played through it. His must be way worse than mine. Or else heʼs really a puss!
Earth to Philip Rivers....you have a receiver named Vincent Jackson. Heʼs like 6ʼ5? Remember him?
Shonn Green TD. The Fantasy Gods must have heard me...
Does this mean Iʼm old: I see number 87 on the back of a Broncos uni and I think of Ed McCaffery.
Iʼm not a Jets fan by ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION, but Brady has been sacked, knocked down, hurried, and threatened almost every time heʼs dropped back in the first half.
WHAT? That pick by Brady was his first EVER pick in the Red Zone at home? Thatʼs impossible! Iʼm going to have to do some fact checking on that one...
Time for another beer, and Iʼm starting to get foggy. San Fran CRUSHING! 34 points already.
I believe I just saw a triple I-formation out of Harbaughʼs 49ers. NO WRs! Thatʼs about as ugly a formation as Iʼve seen in quite sometime.
There it is again, but they faked it that time. Play action...horrible looking. Iʼd leave that for the Stanford crowd Jimmy Harbaugh.
- Quick side story about Jim Harbaugh. In 1995 I worked for ESPN Radio in Chicago as the producer for Tom Waddleʼs first ever radio show. I also worked as a bartender at a little pub called Stanleyʼs at night. Waddle came in to see me at work one night and brought Jim Harbaugh (both ex-Bears). My wife - then brand new girlfriend - was there also to see me that night, and I introduced her to both (no homo) ridiculously handsome men. To this day, if you mention Jim Harbaughʼs name, my wife literally swoons. Itʼs sick. 6ʼ3, good sense of humor , looked like he was chiseled out of stone...bastard!)
Anyway, letʼs talk about ugly QBs. I asked my wife who the ugliest QB going is, and she said unequivocally itʼs Mark Sanchez. In case you were wondering.
Man. Brady sacked again. Every time I look up Bradyʼs being sacked or knocked down. I hate the Jets but they look good today.
I have Vincent Jackson in two of my leagues, and Iʼve been wondering why he canʼt get free all day!!? I finally realized Champ Bailey is covering him. I guess Champ is still the man. Damn it.
Are the 49ers really 4-1? How did that happen? If I had to guess, Iʼd say they were the benefactors of a great early schedule. Seattle, Cincy, Dallas and Philly. Now Tampa. Hmmm. We now know that Philly sucks. Seattle just beat the Giants, Dallas is still open for debate. I guess San Fran can be considered legit for now.
How long till Wes Welker gets hurt? It wont be long. Heʼs way too fragile.
Do my eyes deceive me? Was that a Santonio Holmes TD? Wow, thatʼs 20 total fantasy points this year. What a mistake.
Denver sure is excited about losing so far. If Denver wins this game, Iʼll eat my hat.
This is what I expected when I drafted BJGE this season...100+ yards and two TDs. Now weʼre talking!
Wow, Moses Moreno TD? I thought he died? Tebow to Moreno for a TD! ...oh wait, thatʼs Knowshon Moreno. Heʼs still playing?
How the heck does a team end with 48 points, and only have 170 yards passing? San Fran pulled it off. 48-3! Iʼd call that a whooping! Glad Iʼm not a Tampa fan.
Last minutes of the Pats game, and the SD game....can the Broncos AND the Jets get a stop and a score. Iʼm guessing no.
That Pats FG is game. One game left, then Iʼm going to bed... :)
Man, if Tebow completes that last pass in the endzone, we have a WHOLE NEW NFL this week.
OK, No hat eating for me. SD wins, and Iʼm going to lay on the couch. Iʼm sure my wife will be thrilled.
My first week on the blog is done. Smell ya next week.
